The Agreement
by only-mj
Summary: Chazz promised he would not contact him until he had been sober for one year. After years of struggling, he has finally met his goal. Atticus and Jaden think that it's time for the promised reunion, but is Chazz's ex ready to take him back with open arms? Angelshipping. Trigger warning: Alcohol Abuse Mention, Self-Harm Mention, Suicide Attempt Mention.


"Atticus? Where're we going?" Chazz asked curiously, glancing over to the man in the driver's seat. Over the years he had grown used to the older man taking him out on drives, but it never hurt to know where they were going beforehand, especially so late at night and with little warning other than 'Chazzy, get in the car.'

"I'll tell you when we get there." Atticus responded in a sing-song voice with a wide grin on his face. He turned up the radio and began to sing along.

"No. Atticus." He pried, turning the song down. "I don't want to play this game right now. It's late and I'm tired. Where are you taking me?"

The brunette frowned, unhappy that his friend was not up for playing with him. "How long has it been, Chazzy?" He asked.

Chazz shifted uncomfortably in the passenger's seat. He scratched at his scalp, feeling pieces of an old scab coming off under his fingernails. "S-Since what?"

"You know…" Atticus toyed, leaning back in his seat and resting one elbow on the window sill.

"Don't ask dumb questions that you know the dumb answers to." He responded, annoyed while he picked blood and skin out from underneath his fingernails, ignoring the new pain on the top of his head.

Atticus shifted in his seat, switching hands on the wheel to shove Chazz playfully, breaking the younger man's concentration away from his bad habit. "Come onnn." He insisted. "How long has it been?"

Chazz rolled his eyes, swatting the hand away. "My one year was last week. You were there." He muttered. "You bought me a damn cupcake."

Atticus smiled, glancing over to Chazz and noting the small smile on the younger man's face as well. The two sat in silence for a moment as Atticus continued down the dark roads illuminated by street lamps. He reached over, punching his friend in the thigh lightly. "I'm proud of you, ya know." He said, taking on a more serious tone.

Charcoal eyes rolled. "Yeah, yeah…"

"Don't act like you're not proud of yourself, Chazzy." He laughed. "A year! A full year clean and sober? I saw all of the shit you put yourself through. I know how hard this was. I want you to let yourself be happy of your accomplishments."

"Well now you just sound like my therapist…" Chazz muttered with a small smile, looking out at the streets ahead. He realized that he did not recognize the area of the city they were in. "Seriously, Atticus. Where are we going?"

"Follow up question!" Atticus interjected, ignoring the inquiry posed to him. "You had an… agreement? With someone?" Atticus toyed, glancing over at Chazz with a sly expression.

Grey eyes snapped open wide at the word 'agreement'. "No. No, Atticus." Chazz shook his head quickly, leaning forward in his seat. "No. I-I can't I'm not—"

"Don't say you're not ready." Atticus interrupted. "You're ready." He nodded. "What was the agreement?"

Chazz lowered his head, looking down at his lap. "I… I promised I wouldn't contact him… Or try to get a hold of him… Uhm…" He hesitated, every once in a while a streetlight would light up the inside of the car. He stared at the sleeves of his jacket, knowing what rested underneath. They all knew what the agreement had been, Chazz most of all. He had done nothing but obsess over it for the last three years. He began to scratch at his scalp once more. "Until I had been… clean for a year…"

"And here were are!" Atticus cheered, momentarily throwing his arms up in the air. "I think he has the right to know that."

"He doesn't want to see me…" He muttered quickly, remembering the night the agreement was made. Chazz remembered the sad look in his eyes. Tears in pale grey eyes had haunted his memories for years.

"You don't know that. You've held up your end of the agreement. I think he should do the same." Atticus replied simply. If he did pick up on how gravely serious his passenger was, he ignored it.

It suddenly clicked in his head where Atticus was taking him. "Y-You found him? Have you talked to him?" Chazz asked anxiously, dropping his hand and wiping the dead skin on his jeans, instantly regretting the open wounds under his thick black hair.

"He's living in an apartment up here on the North side with Jaden. I've been Facebooking Jaden for about a week now. Jay is expecting us." Atticus's tone grew more serious as they approached their destination.

"Jaden?" He felt his chest grow tight. He wanted to beg Atticus to take him back home. " Are… They…Like, ya know… Together…?" Chazz asked hesitantly. After all the work he had done, and all the shit he had put himself through, it would be for nothing if Jaden had come in and swept him off his feet. Chazz knew that was not fair, though. He could not expect him to wait around until Chazz could get his shit together.

Atticus shook his head. "Don't think so. At least if they are, Jaden didn't mention it." He answered and somehow Chazz did not feel any better. His hand moved back up to his head and he felt Atticus intertwine their fingers together, pulling his hand down. "It's okay." The older man spoke seriously. "We're just gonna talk. The four of us. And if it gets to be too much, I'll take you home. Deal?" He glanced over to Chazz, offering him a smile.

The younger shook his head. "I-I dunno, Atticus…" Chazz muttered, conflicted. He tried to let himself be optimistic that he would be welcomed back and his achievements would be applauded. On the other hand, Chazz was a realist. He knew that he should not be rewarded for doing the right thing. He knew that it was foolish of him to believe that anything would be different. "How do you know he'll even want to talk to me?"

Atticus shook his head, pulling into an apartment complex. "I don't." He replied honestly. "But we gotta try, man." He glanced over, giving Chazz a smile as he killed he car and unbuckled his belt.

As soon as he driver's door opened Chazz began to panic. "Wait. Wait!" He called out, grabbing a hold of his best friend's arm. Their eyes met and Atticus really saw the worry in those dark eyes. Chazz's voice shook as he tried to get a hold on his breathing. "I-I can't… What if… What if he doesn't want to see me? And… I-I did all of that work for nothing?" He asked seriously, voicing his greatest fears out loud. He could go through the steps of the program. He could talk to a therapist. He could fix himself as long as he had the ideals that he had something or someone he was working for. Chazz knew it was not fair to treat him as though he were a prize to be won, but if the reasons for his struggles to maintain sobriety and self care were no longer in his future. "I can't… I can't go back there…" He whispered, quickly pulling away from Atticus to wipe his eyes before the brunette could see.

Atticus climbed back into the car, reaching over to awkwardly wrap an arm around Chazz's shoulder. "You're not going to go back there." He spoke seriously. "You didn't just do this to impress him. You can't base your self worth on what other people think of you. You were going to die, Chazz, and you know that. You went through all of this shit because you knew that was the only way to save yourself. You're resilient as fuck. You did this for _you_." Atticus pulled away from him slightly to give him a reassuring smile. He was so proud of how far his friend had come. He had watch him struggle with his inner demons for years and he came out on top stronger than ever. Atticus wanted him to know how impress and how proud he was. He wanted everyone to be as proud of Chazz as he was, because his friend deserved it. "But you know… If a cute boy is impressed by the new you I would definitely consider that a plus." He winked and took pride in himself when Chazz let out a small laugh before shoving him away.

* * *

The two stood in front of the door that Atticus declared _his_. Atticus waiting for Chazz to be ready to make a move. Chazz hoping that Atticus would see his anxiety and do it for him. After a few minutes of waiting, Atticus decided to make a move and shoved Chazz into the door with a loud thud and an obnoxious "Go on!"

Chazz quickly turned around and snapped at him loudly. "What was that for?! You didn't have to shove me!" He yelled.

"You were taking too long!" Atticus snapped back just as the apartment door opened.

Warm brown eyes lit up at his guests on the porch. "Hey guys!" Jaden beamed widely. "Come in!" He insisted, ushering the two in as though no time had passed between them. "I wasn't expecting you guys so late. Did you get lost? I hope my directions were okay."

Atticus grinned, giving the shorter man a hug. "We were okay until we got to the complex. You told me you were in building E." He explained with a light-hearted tone. "But all of your buildings are numbered."

"Oh!" Jaden let out a loud laugh. "Sorry about that!" He apologized, turning to face the quiet man still holding back near the door. "You look great, Chazz! Oh wow!" He beamed, giving Chazz a hug that he reluctantly accepted, not so keen on being touched, but knowing Jaden would not take 'no' for an answer. He pulled away from Chazz to look him over once more. "Really great. How long has it been?" He asked, throwing a more serious question while his easy going tone did not change.

"Ah… Three years." Chazz responded nervously, finding Jaden's wide smile as infectious as ever.

"Damn. Atticus told me you got your chip and stuff? That's so great!" Jaden smiled, giving Chazz another hug before he could protest. "That's so fucking great." He gave him a tight squeeze before pulling away. "You're not here to see me, though." Jaden continued with a wink. Chazz opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the excited brunette. "Have a seat anywhere. Move whatever you need to. I'll go get him." He motioned to the messy living room before quickly disappearing down a hallway.

Chazz watched numb as Atticus took a seat on the second-hand couch, before he looked up at Chazz expectantly. "Come on. Relax."

Before he had a chance to respond, Jaden returned to the living room, and they both heard _his_ voice following after. "Jaden stop it. It's too late for company to…night…" He trailed off as pale grey met dark grey. Syrus nervously adjusted his glasses, looking away from the man by the front door. He looked down at his feet, taking in a sharp breath. "What are you doing here?" He muttered, biting his lower lip nervously.

Chazz took a deep breath, now that he was here, he was not sure what he was expected to say. He had dreamed of this day for years, and now he just prayed he would not mess it all up. His palms were sweating as he pulled a blue and gold metal coin out of his pocket. "I… Uhm… Wanted to give this to you…" He said softly, holding out the chip. "As… Promised…"

Syrus hesitated, glancing up at he coin. He knew what it was, but a part of him was reluctant to believe that it was real. He held out his hand and allowed Chazz to approach him just close enough to drop it into his palm. Atticus and Jaden watched quietly from the couch, wondering what their smallest friend's reaction would be. He looked over the smooth coin, studying it carefully. He had never seen one before, he thought the Serenity Prayer on the back was a little out of place for Chazz Princeton, but Syrus found a strange comfort in the Roman Numeral 'I' on the front. ' _So he did it…'_ Syrus thought. He nodded to himself before holding it back out. "I don't want it." He stated simply. "It's not mine to take. You… earned it… You should be proud of yourself, Chazz." He spoke softly, handing the coin back to him before turning to head back to his room. Chazz might be ready for this conversation, but Syrus did not feel as though he was.

Chazz took it back, although it felt more empty receiving it the second time. He should have not expected anything more than the acknowledgement he was given. Really, he knew that was all he deserved. ' _Accept the things I cannot change…'_ He thought as he pocketed the coin, ready to leave as well.

"Woah. Woah. That's it?" Atticus called out, stopping them both in their tracks. "You don't have… Anything else to say, Syrus?" He asked from his spot on the couch, amazed by his nonchalance.

Syrus let out a deep breath, keeping his back to everyone else. What was Atticus expecting him to do? Take him back? Forgive him? He was not sure he was ready. "Well first of all, I don't appreciate being put on the spot like this…" He muttered. Syrus chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to swallow the cracking of his voice before proceeding. "And second, I don't appreciate you showing up unannounced in the middle of the night to demand my praises after three years of nothing." He snapped.

At this, Chazz grew angry. Syrus was upset that he had not contacted him? For years Chazz wanted to do nothing more than pick up the phone and call him, but he restrained himself because he promised. "Those were _your_ rules, Syrus. _You_ were the one that made this agreement that _I_ accepted. Don't you dare get mad at me for not contacting you when you said—"

"I know what I said!" Syrus snapped, slamming the side of his fist into the doorframe. He could not let Chazz see that he was crying as he refused to turn around. "But I had to. My brother was shocking himself and hurting people. My best friend was possessed by some monster. My boyfriend was cutting himself. And I couldn't help anybody." He wiped his eyes quickly as he sniffled. "I couldn't stop any of it… And… When we graduated you promised that you had stopped and that you were better and things would be different since we were on our own… But you couldn't even touch me without being drunk, and you honestly thought that I wouldn't notice the cuts on your body? You disrespected me and our relationship and…" He stopped trying to fight the tears that fell from his pale eyes. His shoulders shaking as he began to sob. "And I was too stupid to realize how much you were hurting yourself. I was stupid, and I believed you when you told me that you were okay."

Syrus let out a soft gasp when he felt to arms wrap around his shoulders from behind. "Syrus… You're not… I can't let you blame yourself for my mistakes…" Chazz whispered into his ear.

The smaller man stared down at the arms that enveloped his chest. Everyone in the room knew about the scars underneath Chazz's jacket sleeves. When Syrus closed his eyes he could still see the open wounds they used to be. "You… You almost died, Chazz." Syrus finally responded softly, hesitantly holding onto his exes arms. "And I had to be the one to find you. I had to call an ambulance and direct them to where you were dying in our bed. I couldn't… I couldn't even sleep there after they took you away. Even after I knew that they had saved you." He felt Chazz's forehead rest between his shoulder blades. "I wanted you to get better. I wanted you to support you. I wanted to see you healthy." Syrus swallowed, his tears falling onto Chazz's arms. "But I couldn't have your blood on my hands, either…" Chazz did not say anything. He knew that he had hurt Syrus, there was no denying that. All he wanted was for the younger man to tell him what to do to make it right. "And I'm proud of you. I am. It's just… it took you three years to be sober for one. I-I want to trust you that this is all behind you but…"

"Christ, Syrus, I'm a human being…" Chazz muttered, trying not to discredit what his ex was feeling, but finding it ridiculous that he had put a time limit on his recovery. "I'm not going to argue with you that what I did was wrong. I know I should have told you how I was feeling instead of hurting us both." He loosened his grip on the man before him. "But I stopped cutting and I stopped drinking and yeah, it took a while. But I also did it on my own. Other than Atticus I didn't have any sort of a support group." He continued, pulling away from him entirely. "And I've worked through a lot of things in three years and I'm not angry with you, but when you said I couldn't have any contact with you until I was sober, you really made everyone pick a side." He glanced over to his two friends on the couch. "And your side had a lot better argument."

Jaden immediately looked away when Syrus glanced over to him as well. When the agreement had first been made, Jaden had thought it would have been in poor taste to contact his best friend's ex. As he years went on he was afraid it would be increasingly awkward to reach out to Chazz after so long. He was not proud of his role in the whole mess, but at the time he had not known what else to do. "Chazz… I…"

"I did this all on my own." Chazz repeated, growing angry with the two of them. "And… Honestly I don't know what I was expecting my coming here… But if you want me to go, Sy, then I'll go." He promised gravely.

Syrus finally turned around to face him. His eyes red and still brimming with tears. They both knew this was it. Syrus had the power to make Chazz leave once and for all. He could move forward in his life and not worry about whether or not the other man was alright. He would not have to feel responsible for his safety. Was that really what Syrus wanted, though? Now that he had Chazz standing before him again, did he really want to just turn him away. "I just… want you to be happy…" He said softly. "And safe…" He added.

Chazz carefully took Syrus's hands in his. "You are the only person that ever made me happy. And I am so so sorry that I did not tell you that while I had you."

Syrus took a deep breath. He was scared, terrified of the man before him. The man that for years Syrus thought of as a walking time bomb, who could self-destruct at any moment. The man that now Syrus saw as strong and as a survivor. Syrus shook his head quickly. "You have to keep this up… You have to keep going… You can't go back to that…"

The dark haired man squeezed his hands reassuringly. "If I have you by my side, it will be all worth it." He said sweetly, wiping the tears from the shorter man's eyes.

Syrus gave him a smile. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his roommate let out an obnoxious yawn. "Sorry guys… I gotta turn in for the night…" Jaden muttered, rising to his feet to stretch. "And you guys are probably getting tired of the audience, huh?" He asked with a smile. He looked over to Atticus with a smile. "Is this far away from you guys? You guys can crash here for the night if it's a long way back home." Jaden offered kindly. "I'd really hate for you to have to drive home too tired." Atticus returned Jaden's wide smile as he quickly took him up on his offer.

* * *

"God damn…" Atticus yawned as Jaden handed him a cup of coffee the next morning. "That was smooth as hell, Jaden Yuki." He grinned, moving the blankets and pillows from his bed on the couch so his friend could sit down beside him.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" The younger muttered into his mug, a knowing smile plastered on his face.

Atticus chuckled, shoving him light enough not to spill their drinks. "You'd hate for me to drive home too tired? Especially if it's too far away?" He repeated. "I live on the West side off of 29th!"

"Well who knew that!" Jaden retorted with a loud laugh.

Atticus laughed as well, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he drank his coffee. "I wasn't expecting them to be that loud, though…" He commented.

The younger man shook his head. "These walls are actually thicker than the walls in the Slifer Dorm." He noted. "Last night wasn't that bad." Atticus nodded, finding that very easy to believe. The two sat in silence for a moment, drinking their beverages in peace. "Do you think they'll be okay?" Jaden asked, suddenly serious.

"I do." Atticus responded quickly. "I think that… The only way to really get better and really leave your demons behind for good is to confront them head on, and sometimes… You don't know how big and bad those demons are until you let them drag you all the way down." He took a drink from his mug. "But once you're down there, all the way down in the dark, you can really find out how strong you are. Because only then will you really appreciate your triumph over the darkness when you get finally make it." He spoke seriously of his time in the darkness, a feeling that they both could understand far too well. "If this journey had been easy for Chazz, I would have my doubts. But I think they can really appreciate each other now in ways they couldn't before. I don't think that Chazz is going to let Syrus go so easily this time." Atticus shrugged. "But, if he does, they both know how strong they can be on their own as well. So they'll be okay. Whether this works out or not." Atticus said confidently, finishing off his drink.

A loud moan escaped from behind the closed door of Syrus's bedroom, followed shortly after a cry of Chazz's name. Jaden seemed unfazed but the sounds, nodding to himself. "I think they're gonna be okay, too…" He agreed with a smile.


End file.
